Remember deep down, nothing can break the bond - Claire Wood, Creative Pickle
/Remember deep down, nothing can break the bond
This is what I tell myself on a daily basis. I know my daughter loves me, appreciates me and takes comfort in me - even if she doesn't always show it.
Up until my daughter was about 15 months old, we had the ‘traditional’ mother/daughter relationship. I was her go-to person when she hurt herself, when she wanted to play, basically I was the constant in her life and she didn’t think twice about wanting or needing me. Each week we had our routine of classes, visiting friends or family and spending time together.
Then the pandemic hit, my husband was out of work and I found myself working full time from home. It was far tougher than I thought it would be and it destroys me to think of all the times I had to say ‘not now my lovely, mummy needs to work. Daddy will play/read with you’. What I didn’t realise at the time was how much it would impact our relationship.
Her Daddy is now her companion, the person she feels safe with when she’s tired or unwell - she’s a different girl with her Daddy by her side. Don’t get me wrong, I would never change the bond they have and I do thank the pandemic for giving my husband the opportunity of spending so much precious time with her, but when I’m not allowed to take her out of her cot (it has to be Daddy) and when she has a meltdown because it’s my turn to do bedtime, it’s hard for me not to feel heartbroken.
I suppose, in a way I now understand how Dads feel (without the hormones, 9 months of pregnancy, labour etc, etc!)
My friends and family tell me I should be proud of keeping a roof over our heads and food on the table during some really tough times. I know I should be, but I would change it all in a heartbeat to have my little girl take comfort in my cuddles again.
I live in hope that it will change but it’s been nearly two years now! She’s my rainbow baby and I went through a lot to have her (a whole different story for another time!), this is not what I dreamed our relationship would be. Don’t get me wrong, I knew things would be tough at times but I suppose no-one could predict what we’ve all gone through in the past few years - everyone has their own story to tell.
I wanted to write this, just in case others mums are going through a similar situation, for whatever reason. I want you to know, it’s not just you and you’re not on your own. I’ve spoken to other mums in similar situations and it doesn’t change any hurt or the emotions you feel, but for me I definitely take comfort in knowing that it’s not just me. I haven’t done anything wrong.
Remember - you are doing a great job, juggling life and basically ‘winging it’ most days. Just stay strong and be kind to yourself. You’ve got this.
Bio:
Creative Pickle's aim is to create products that not only look nice, but inspire children to engage with something new, discover their imaginations, and learn about the world around them. There is not enough imagination in the world anymore and we are inspired by how our products can nurture children’s minds. As a company we aren't focused on structured learning; it’s about building something engaging and fun that also improves a child’s development, hence our strapline “Engage, imagine and learn”.
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