Pandemic Pandemonium: parenting the kids and thyself - Talya Zwiers
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Pandemic Pandemonium: parenting the kids and thyself
Let’s face it, parenting, in what was deemed the old norm, was intricately laced with so many interwoven layers of emotions, guilts, growth opportunities and, of course, challenges. It’s not always smooth-sailing, is it. Now chuck in a global pandemic and all which that entails - fears, worries of what will be, together with a lack of support and help - takes parenting to a new level.
The notion of parenting thyself is so necessary now, probably more than ever before. With many of us working from home, home-schooling, having partners at home, tons more meals to make, increased constant mess to contend with plus juggling our never-ending to-do lists, this has left us, as mums, overly-depleted. With this in mind, and feeling that any form of self-care has dissipated completely... the concept of parenting and looking after ourselves, the same way we look after the needs of our children, really struck a chord within.
Imagine not feeding the children three meals a day (together with the numerous snacks)? Imaging not putting them to rest when they're exhausted or not giving them any down time to calm themselves, reset and carry on? Imagine not making sure they have whatever they need in order to get on with their days (age related, of course)? Imagine not listening to what they really need, what's really going on deep down which is causing them distress and just shutting it down? Imagine ignoring all the signs shouting out for TLC and acknowledgment? Imagine, just imagine the potential tantrums, meltdowns and tears if we were to neglect them! Imagine the pandemonium... so why, do us mummies (me very much included) neglect our very basic needs and our inner yearning to be cared for on some level? Why oh why!
Lockdown has brought out the best and worst in society and I think the mum-society. The amount of camaraderie and unity which has come out of a hard situation has been mind-blowing and heart warming! The favours, the meals, the door-stop deliveries, the driveway visits.... WOW. People have gone above and beyond to help those nearest and dearest, as well as those unbeknown to them.
Yet, in the same notion, we've all been pushed to our limits, life is a little (or a lot) relentless with no gaps to stop to recalibrate. Many of us have shorter fuses and snap a lot quicker, and for reasons which we would have had a lot more resilience in previously. With this ongoing fluctuation of emotions and the widening gap we longing for in terms of connection, purpose and fulfilment, looking within to discover what we may in actual fact need, and how to best achieve it, has become both what seems an impossible place to be in, yet one of my central focuses as a mum. If not now, when? If not me, who?
Of course parenting our children is in a league above that of parenting ourselves, but in theory, they should not be mutually exclusive, but rather mutually inclusive where they can happen side by side. The pecking order may be on a sliding scale, yet the latter should not be ignored. Whether that looks like cooking for everyone and ensuring that parents and kids are well watered and fed 3x a day; or keeping them entertained so you can have a hot cuppa with your feet up for 5 minutes.... because, how can you give to others, when you can't give to yourself? How can we pour from an empty vessel? With great difficulty and a struggle! Imagine the jug was constantly topped up, even small measure by measure, how much easier it would be to pour and help ourselves and others? Yes, I know it sounds logical and simple, yet a very big ask, I know.
So, while we're all surviving in this uncertain world of what feels like a Corona-Coaster, remember to parent the parent. Knowing a mum is well-cared for (by herself and her family) provides impetus and momentum to parent and care for those who need you and are dependent on you. Mums often feel invisible and have no voice; that it's all about the baby / child. And yes, they are super important and way up there on the priority list; but if not for the mum; then what? While there is worldwide turmoil, remember to self-love, self-care and self-prioritise: we matter too!
Bio:
I am a Mum of two girls, Sienna age 3 and Skyla age 1. Just living and juggling motherhood, work and life as best as I can! I started Cold Coffee Mama as an outlet for myself, my feelings of motherhood and to connect to others going through the same ups and downs.
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